6 - Christmas Cheer

December 25, 2016

“So everybody’s doin’ okay?”  Lilah inquired from beneath the brim of a reindeer antlered Santa hat that didn’t even faze Charlie.  She noticed both Lucas and M.J. had miniature versions and that Lilah’s twenty-two-year-old son, Andrew, also sported one.  Even Tony had the antler hat, leading Charlie to believe they were a part of their homemade holiday. 

Or Lilah just liked them and forced them on the family in the name of the season.  That was possible, too. 

Family was scattered throughout the Navesink house, socializing until it was time for dinner, gifts and the gender reveal.  She and Lilah were standing in a niche by the fireplace sipping wine, with peace and tranquility reigning as much as it ever would amongst thirty Italians.  Loud quarreling over the football game or raucous guffaws she could handle.  The important thing was that there was none of the anger or despair that Charlie had feared would hang over their holiday. 

Only her parents were truly distressed by their budding great-grandchild.  Her brothers and sisters-in-law were concerned, but it didn't take long before everyone was ready and willing to deal with the hand they'd been dealt.

For her, there hadn’t been any negative feelings from the moment she’d accepted circumstances and her son for what they were.  Her mental concession the day they’d decorated the tree she now stood beside was a turning point.  It allowed her to listen with an open mind to the plans Caleb had put together in an admirable effort to be the man Jon challenged him to be. 

He wasn’t a man to her, though.  He was still a kid, and as such, she thought those plans needed some fine-tuning.  The six of them – Jon, Charlie, Caleb, Becca and Becca’s parents – had done a lot of that in a sit-down after college finals last week.  Most notable was that, rather than living in an apartment across town, the young couple would take over the unoccupied half of the dual brownstone she and Jon owned. 

The two homes were connected enough to be convenient for helping out the new parents but separate enough to offer everyone privacy, and in return, they would pay half of what their current apartment rent.  Jon and Charlie would cover all other expenses.

The kids didn’t know it, but their rent money would be socked away in a separate savings account.  It would remain there until they either graduated and got their own place or chose to get married.

That was the one area where Caleb refused to be fine-tuned.

Her Catholic parents were dying a million deaths over the unwed parenting thing, but the young man would not be moved.  He was standing firm, and having heard his explanation as to why, Charlie stood firmly beside him.

“We’re good.  My parents are still lighting candles because the kids aren’t getting married.”

“They aren’t?”  Glittered eyebrows furrowed.  “Did I know that?  I thought you were pushin’ for it.”

“No.”  There were reflections of the tree’s white lights shimmering in her wine, and it was them that she spoke to.  “He saw what a marriage of obligation can lead to.  Caleb doesn’t want the baby to end up like he and Noah did, so he says they won’t get married until it feels right.”

“You mean because of that asshat Owen forcin’ you to marry him because you got pregnant.”

“Yep.”

When presented that train of thought, Charlie had no argument.  She’d suffered for a lot of years for doing the “right” thing, and there was no way she’d wish it on her own child. The only thing she did wish was that he and Becca would both finish school, which they’d promised to do.  Hopefully, that would come to pass.

Caleb’s life obviously wasn’t meant to be the old-fashioned ideal of love, marriage and then children, but the determination in his eyes told Charlie he wouldn’t suffer for it.  Her son still had goals and ambitions with the drive to achieve them. 

And when he needed a little extra motivation, there was Jon. 

Charlie couldn’t decide if he was the boy's best friend or the best stepfather in the world.  Frankly, she hadn't realized how close their relationship was before this all happened, and it only became stronger after.

Now that she was paying closer attention and asking more questions of her own, she'd discovered that he acted a sounding board without offering an opinion.  He simply listened to what Caleb had to say, and then asked for his thoughts on the subject.  Because of Jon, Caleb ended up resolving most of his own issues and was growing more confident in the whole "being a man" thing.

Charlie thought she knew what love was when she walked across the lawn in East Hampton on her wedding day.  It was big, all-encompassing and felt squishy in all the right places, but it wasn't a drop in the bucket compared to today.  

His calming – yes, calming – presence in the middle of a crisis and the nurturing hard-ass father role he’d adopted with the boys….  Love took on new and more epic proportions every day, even when he was an asshole.

“How did homemade Christmas turn out?” Charlie forcibly stepped outside her head to inquire of Lilah, “Did Tony do okay, or did he get… you know?”

A grin that was more imp than elf curved around the lip of the cranberry Sprite that was supposed to look like rosè.  Lilah wasn’t a wine drinker and had no desire to be one, but just to keep the Bongiovi brothers off her back, she was granting them the illusion today.

“He did great, actually.  My gift is a monthly housekeepin' service for the next year.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound homemade, but I wouldn’t argue over a good house cleaning.” 

In fact, Jon’s very similar gift to her was catering for today’s dinner.  

Last year’s meal prep was still a feather in her cap.  A grand accomplishment that she wore proudly, but there was no doubt that having someone else in charge was a lot easier.  Some of the family brought their holiday favorites because that's what they wanted to do, and that was fine.  Bringing nothing at all was also fine, because everything was covered from appetizers to cleanup. 

This Christmas was for relaxing and enjoying the people she loved.  

“Right?  What woman doesn't want somebody else to run the sweeper?  He did kinda shoot himself in the foot, though."

"How did he do that?"

One glittered eyebrow arched with attitude.  "By sayin’ this was the only way the glitter might be gone by next Christmas.  That earned him the shiny little choker.  If he's good, I might give him the bike cover tonight.”

Charlie nearly spit out her wine.  “Oh, sweet Jesus.  Please tell me you got video or pictures of his face when he opened it.”

“I did, but the contrary man deleted ‘em while I was in the shower.”  Leaning in close, she spoke in a low voice, “But you still have a chance to see a live Bongiovi reaction.”

“Are you going to give him another one?"

“No, silly."  Because Charlie was the silly one in this conversation.  "I kept forgettin' to ask if you found a gift for Jon, so I made him one, too.  It's wrapped up and in my purse if you want it.”

“Oh, hell yes I want it!”  When one of her brothers turned to look, Charlie realized she’d spoken a little too loudly and dropped it back to a level more suitable for plotting mischief.  “The cock ring won’t bring the big reaction, though.  That’ll come when he finds out you made it for him.”

Lilah grinned like the ornery woman she could be.  “I had that very same thought, and it’s amused me for days.  Days, I tell ya.  Lemme go grab it now before things get crazy and we forget.”

She had just scuttled off toward the foyer closet with a giggle when Jon arrived to offer Charlie a fresh drink.  “Dare I ask what the hell you two are up to?”

“You’d rather not know.”  Her empty glass went on the mantle to be retrieved later, and she accepted the new one with a smile at the logo on his black tee.  “I really like that shirt.” 

“I’ll accept your avoidance of the question.  I probably don’t wanna know.” 

“Not probably.  Definitely.” 

Until later, anyway.

“Understood,” he conceded before swiping a preening hand down his chest.  “And the shirt’s great.  You did good.”

She had done good.  After wracking her brain until it cramped, Charlie finally decided to follow Lilah’s advice and make it a little gift Christmas at their house.  He got socks, a new book and the t-shirt that bore two guitars with crossed necks.   There were only two words, with one arched each above and below the guitar: “ROCKSTAR GRANDPA”. 

It was perfect and seemed to please Caleb as much as it did Jon. 

The kids all got pretty much the same thing – something to wear, something to read, and a little pocket money to do something fun.  Charlie did indulge herself with one frivolity, though.  

She bought the baby a soft yellow sleeper with little duckies on the feet.  It was cute yet gender-neutral, since today would be the first time anyone knew whether they were getting a boy or a girl.

“You did good, too,” she complimented.  “I really appreciate the catering and cleanup today.”

“That's not your gift.  It's my gift to me.  If you don't have all that bullshit to exhaust you, then I can slide down your chimney tonight."

Although she laughed at her husband’s exaggerated waggling of eyebrows, Charlie was also confused.  “Then what did you get me?”

The subdued smile he gave her wasn't flavored with its usual snark.  This was more a rakish tilt of the mouth, and it came with a flick of soft eyes toward the tree that their kids decorated almost three weeks ago. 

“What?”

His eyes locked meaningfully into hers before going back to the tree again, and this time, Charlie followed his gaze. 

There, at shoulder level and nestled among the delicate glass bulbs, was an different kind of ornament. One that she’d never seen before.  It was made of clear glass, blending in with its surroundings so well that Charlie to put her fingertips on the edge and tilt it to read the etched inscription. 

Only the Best Mothers Get Promoted to Nonna

Her grin bloomed in time with the thumb that stroked over the last word.  Nonna.  She was going to be a Nonna.  

“Thank you,” she murmured, still enraptured by the heart-shaped piece of glass.  “I love it.”

The backs of his knuckles skated over Charlie's cheek.  “I thought you might.” 

In that quiet moment, it was only the two of them in the soft glow of Christmas lights.  One might even fantasize that everyone in the room was taking a simultaneous breath to create this romantic lull in the midst of familial chaos.

But no. Chaos was actually taking the breath - for its next fanciful round.

“Mommy, what’s herpes?”

The innocent, little-girl question practically echoed off the walls, and Lilah froze just inside the living room doorway.

“Micah Jane, where did you hear that word?”

“Oh shit,” Jon muttered.  He knew exactly where his niece heard that word.  Not ten minutes ago, Tony was telling him and Matt about Lilah’s fucked-up sense of gifting humor, complete with herpes references.  Thank God they’d never actually said “cock ring”.

Guileless eyes blinked up at Lilah from a cherubic face.  “Daddy said it.  He told Uncle Jon and Uncle Matt you gave him herpes for Christmas.”

Every family member above the age of twelve proceeded to lose their shit.  Luke and Matt brayed like jackasses, while Dominick and Vince elbowed a giggling Tony from both sides.  All of Jon’s boys were gasping for air behind the hands that covered their mouths.  Even the grandparents and women were wiping away tears of laughter. 

All except Lilah. 

His unpredictable and borderline psychotic sister-in-law nailed Tony with eerily glowing eyes.  Jon thought she could very well be casting some kind of southern hex on his brother.  She was nutsy enough to try, anyway.

“Well, Micah Jane.”  Her voice lifted to carry over the mocking of brothers and smothered laughter of those who shouldn't be laughing but couldn't stop themselves.  "Herpetology is the scientific study of snakes.”

“You don’t like snakes.  We’re not allowed to have ‘em.”

“That’s right, baby doll,” she praised, stroking the girl’s cheek while still casting voodoo spells on Tony.  “But Daddy is very attached to certain snakes, so I got him a snake collar – a herpes.  That way he can take his snake for a walk without losin’ it.”

This round was more guffaws than giggles but wasn't as wide-spread.  Only the three Bongiovi brothers were cackling their asses off this time, since they understood the hidden meaning in Lilah’s clever explanation.  

Jon had to give it to Kentucky for likening Tony's dick to a snake and that glitter-infested cock ring to a snake collar with a straight face.  She made it all sound like a perfectly reasonable explanation, and he doubted anybody else in this room could've done better. 

His cheeks ached from grinning when he realized there was one more person in the room who was just as amused as he and his brothers.  Chiara. 

A thumb swiped tears from the corners of her eyes while a determined M.J. announced, “Well I want a herpes, too.”

Tony was trying to get his shit together enough to explain that those were for grown-ups when Jon nudged his wife.

“What are you laughing at?  Do you know what she got him?”

“Oh, I absolutely do."  More giggles bubbled free, and his evil wife sniffled before finally choking out, “And she made you one, too.”